Take It To Bed

"Screw the computer" may become a literal phrase as more men take their work, i.e., their laptops, to bed. With his wife sleeping next to him, the N.Y. Times reports that groping for his laptop instead of his mate, when a 3:00 a.m. insomnia attack strikes, may be bad for his relationship. (The writer of this story has obviously not been sleep deprived.)

The wife in this story thinks the bed is a "restorative place" and "not a place to work." As you might expect, according to the N.Y. Times, the opinions of the relationship pundits are divided. Some "experts" believe bringing laptops to bed is a way to avoid intimacy. Others suggest that when couples are in bed with a computer, "they can be said to be engaging in an intimate act." (What do you suppose this pundit would say about watching television in bed?)

The opinions of laptop users vary. According to the N.T. Times, one techie, who switched rather than fight, now says she feels "connected" when she and her mate have their computers in the bedroom and says when that occurs "it's a good night." Another woman named her husband's Treo cell phone "Bitsie;" noted that because of its size it could be "fondled under the covers;" and described it as "a vibrating 24/7 secretary" with a totally annoying buzz.

Let's face it, technology and toys that buzz have been in the bedroom for generations. Most of us are too young to remember the vibrating beds in motel rooms, the kind that would give you 15 minutes of buzzing for a quarter. The hot tub in the motel room is today's equivalent of the vibrating bed. A radio with its buzzer alarm is a staple in all hotel rooms. The TV, the VCR, the DVD player, the computer, the Ipod, the plasma screen on the ceiling (which replaced the mirror on the ceiling), as well as a whole host of sex toys that buzz. vibrate, stimulate, blow up, or whatever are now part of America's sleeping scene. The computer is replacing the TV just as the DVD has replaced the VCR. Some cell phones are replacing computers and have been in the bedroom for years. With each new arrival of bedroom technology some pundits have worried about the impact on intimacy.

I doubt there is much to worry about. Until, that is, they invent a cell phone that is shaped like a condom and in the middle of the Big O will buzz you from within, let you know you forgot your pill, and announce that it will dispense a dose of Plan B if you just press 9 on its remote.